I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
