Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
