You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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