He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
