dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
