Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
