if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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