I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
