Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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