so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
