I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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