Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
