So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
