Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
