4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
