He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
