Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
