apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
