he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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