awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
