and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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