Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
