My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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