Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
