after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
