honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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