My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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