Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
