Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
