Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think i have two assholes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
