When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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