Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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