I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
