I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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