i permit you to call me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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