Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
