Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
