Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
