She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
