So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
