Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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