I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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