remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
