somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
