Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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