I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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