Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
