Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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