i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
