I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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