i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
third nipple confirmed
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
