U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
is it fun? or sober?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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