Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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