I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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